As an Agile & Executive Coaching Consultant, I am often asked the question of “why do transformations fail?” or “why is this team not performing the way they should?” To be honest, it often comes down to one simple thing… communication! In fact, it has been years since I’ve had a team say the reason, they failed was TOO much communication vs too little. With communication, it is not just about the quantity of your interactions, but the quality of how you communicate. I tend to observe things coming down to the same two principles of thought - are you looking to be reactive or reflective in your communication approach?
I love the following quote which begs an answer to a great question:
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
– Stephen Covey
The type of leadership style someone commands can show parallels to the way they approach communication. For instance, if you are a more empathetic leader or individual, you are more likely to “seek to understand” in a reflective stance vs. someone who may be a more directive leader or individual who is more likely to listen to respond quickly in a reactive state. Don’t get me wrong, we can find ourselves needing to balance our approaches from time to time – but the key word here is balance. The following are some leading practices to consider in building your communication stance.
- Seek to come from a place of curiosity when needing to be reflective. Listen with an empathetic ear to understand what is truly being asked or needed of you.
- Come from a non-biased position. Understanding where your implicit bias may be in certain situations may hold you back from seeing the perspective of those around you, potentially clouding your decision-making abilities.
- Assume positive intent. This attribute can help de-escalate tense situations, especially when you are virtual. It’s often very difficult to “read a room” you aren’t in physically.
- Work to be fact-based vs. feeling based – as a Coach, it is important for me to never tell someone how to feel, but if I can get to the facts, I can make fact-based decisions.
In conclusion, understanding what type of listener you are can have an impact on both personal and professional relationships. The techniques above just highlight a few approaches you can take in starting to not only think differently but do and listen differently as well! Challenge your mindset to shift your behavior takes time, so work to both build and use a new muscle as part of a new (or renewed) listening challenge…you just may come out a better leader when you do.